Update

Update:
It's been over a week since the peanut butter at school incident occurred.  The principal has still not spoken with me directly and Molly has encountered this substitute twice with no apology from her.  I feel like the issue is being avoided- which is so irritating.  When my child breaks a rule or does something wrong I make her apologize.  I think that adults should do the same.  By not apologizing you are giving kids mixed messages and they are less likely to do the right thing next time.  I also feel by not apologizing the school and the substitute teacher are showing total disregard for my child and her peanut allergy (and did I mention her 504 plan failed her in this instance?!).  The regular classroom teacher told me that the kids do not like this substitute pretty much based on this incident and her attitude towards them.  Maybe if she APOLOGIZED, the kids would see she actually does care about them, that she can show humility and empathy, she can admit adults can make mistakes too, and they would actually like her...just a thought.

SIDE NOTE:  I have told Molly that under no circumstance is she to be rude or unkind. I don't expect her to be overly friendly, because she seems to intimidated by this woman, but I will not tolerate her being rude.  If their is a problem from here on out she is to go to the office or go to the bathroom and call me on her cell phone.  I am also considering having these instructions put into a 504 plan, just so she feels more comfortable because this is causing her anxiety.

WWMD? (What Would Mom Do?)

I haven't written in a while.  Life is just busy, busy.  It's difficult to keep up with blogging and manage a house with three little girls!  I also have realized some of our OIT experiences are hard to write about as they are very emotional for me.  I hate feelings of conflict and this is a underlying emotion for me during this process.  All though Molly is doing well in the program, I always come back to that underlying feeling of "more is more."  I promise I will update y'all later...because oit isn't what this blog is about today.

Recently we had an incident at school.  Molly is in a peanut/treenut free classroom.  She has her own desk in each classroom because the kids do bring peanut butter to lunch.  She has her own designated table in the cafeteria and no one is allowed to eat peanut butter at her table.  I provide wet wipes to the classrooms so if kids have been eating peanuts or treenuts at lunch they can wipe their hands.  Her teachers encourage the kids to wash their hands often.  Her regular teachers, nurse, secretaries, principal are fabulous this year.  I couldn't ask for better people.

On this particular sunny day in Texas, Molly had a substitute teacher in one of her classes.  The substitute was eating peanut butter in the classroom.  Molly's friends saw this and became concerned.  They know the rules and that peanut butter is not allowed in the classroom.  They have also seen Molly leave school in an ambulance this year, so they know peanuts and tree nuts can make Molly really, really sick.  Being the awesome, awesome kids they are, they decide to let the teacher know that Molly has a serious peanut allergy and peanuts aren't allowed in the classroom.  Again, let me say- THESE KIDS ARE THE BEST!!!  A little girl goes to the desk, because they want to keep Molly as far from the peanut butter as possible and explains the situation to the substitute teacher.  I will paraphrase the response because I wasn't there, but have heard what she said from multiple kids at this point, "I'm an adult.  I am not allergic to peanuts.  I think I can take care of myself, go sit back down."

I'll give you a minute to close your gaping mouth because I'm sure even non food allergic people are like I-cannot-beleive-she-said-that-to-a-child-trying-to-protect-another-child...yep, I was shocked too.

SO- fast forward to after school and Molly and her bestie are telling me about their day as I'm getting the kids off the bus- and her bestie blurts this story out to me and I'm irritated.  I ask Molly what she did at that point.  And her response was most upsetting to me.  "I sat their mom, I sat and worried and hoped she wouldn't touch me or I wouldn't have to go up to the desk."  Then, I started asking her questions- why didn't she ask to go to the bathroom and then go get another one of her regular teachers?  Why didn't she go to the nurse?  Why didn't she call or text me?  Her response:  "I was afraid and scarred I would get in trouble because I was telling on an adult."

I was sad and angry that my child feels this way. Adults make mistakes.  This was a huge mistake!!!

Molly and I had a long discussion about keeping herself safe.  She should have spoken up.  If the adult doesn't listen, find another adult who will, even if that means leaving the classroom without permission,  If all else fails, she needs to call me, and I will contact an adult or remove her from the situation.

The next day, the teacher who had been absent and her regular classroom teacher contacted me to apologize for the situation and to let me know it would never happen again.  None of the kids told any of the other regular teachers that day.  It wasn't until the next day that they mentioned it.  They all new the situation was wrong, but an adult told them they were the ones who were wrong.  Another little girl in the class told the regular teacher that she had thought about going to get the math teacher but was afraid of getting in trouble.  Fear of getting in trouble stopped my child from protecting herself.  Fear of getting in trouble stopped the other kids from telling that someone was breaking a serious safety rule.

The regular classroom teacher talked to all of the kids.  She told them protecting a life trumps getting in trouble, even if the person who is breaking a rule is an adult.  She told them they wouldn't be in trouble.  The school nurse told Molly that if this ever happens again or she is unsafe to ask to go to the bathroom, if she isn't allowed, she just politely leaves and finds another adult.

I requested that the little girl who spoke up for Molly gets a reward or some kind of recognition.  It's hard enough to do the right thing when you are 10, and I wanted her to know that speaking up is always the right thing if you are protecting someone from danger.  The teachers made sure she was recognized and rewarded.

I also asked that the substitute apologize to Molly and the other girl for being rude and uncaring, as well as insensitive.  This has not happened.  I was made aware that the substitute had been spoken to by the principal and others, and that she was sorry, and her excuse was "kids try to push your buttons when you are a substitute."  This woman is going to be a full time teacher next year.  I hope she has learned from this you do need to listen to kids, and yes, they do push buttons, but you need to confirm or deny things of importance, like oh you know, life threatening food allergies.

So this is where WWMD? comes in to play.  Do I push for an apology?  I'm not asking that she be fired, I'm not trying to ruin her career, and I haven't even said STAY AWAY FROM MY KID!!!  I just want her to tell Molly that she is sorry, and I want her to tell the little girl that she was rude to sorry as well.  I want my child and her classmates to know that adults don't always get it right.  Adults make mistakes.  Sometimes HUGE mistakes that have HUGE consequences.  Luckily, this mistake did not have a huge consequence, but it could have.  I want these kids to see that even when you unknowingly make a mistake, you should still take ownership of it and say you are sorry.

I know by asking the internet world what you think I'm opening myself up for criticism.  I want to state a few things that as a food allergy mama I have heard a gazillion times...

-I am not preparing her for the real world by keeping her away from peanuts and making others accommodate her needs.  I disagree.  I am trying to keep her safe.  School isn't the real world.  In the real world, if you are in a situation at where the food isn't safe, you can get up and move.  You can ask a coworker not to eat peanuts at your desk.  WE have been in situations before as a family at sporting events and movies where those around us were eating peanuts.  We don't ask them to move, we move.  We can control that situation.  School is different and it's mandatory and the federal government considers food allergies to be covered under ADA,IDEA, and Section 504 so legally, she is protected by law.
-It can't be that serious.  It is.  She is an OIT program (desentization) because we want to make things safe for her.  She has had a known peanut allergy since she was 6 months old and I got peanut butter on her from a bagel I was eating and she had a very serious reaction.  We were referred to a pediatric allergist and given and epi pen.  She has had numerous ER trips due to her food allergies.  We actually moved to TEXAS from INDIANA so she could participate in a program that treats foods allergies and makes them better.
-Why don't you home school her?  So you want me to make her live in the real world but home school her and keep her away from her peers and what most normal kids do, which is go to school??  We try our best to teach her how to live and protect herself.  She self carries Auvi-Q.  She knows how to give it to herself and has.  She knows if she doesn't know what is in it she can't eat it.  She asks questions and reads food labels and if she isn't sure and can't reach mom, she doesn't eat it.  She carries wet wipes with her where ever she goes and asks her friends and family to use them if necessary.  We are talking more and more about leaving an unsafe area.  As I said before we are doing OIT to desensitize her to nuts and tree nuts, but we have not been given a green light by her allergist to stop worrying yet and to stop precautions to keep her her safe.


So, as a mom what would you do if it was your child?

My Molly being a silly, normal 10 year old